Bless Your Kids With The Words You Speak

Each of us has a sphere of influence over somebody. As parents, we have the biggest influence on our children’s lives. We have the ability to shape and mold the direction of their future, and most of us do take that role seriously. Unfortunately, there are times we hurt them and unknowingly plant seeds of insecurity and inferiority in their lives with the words we speak.

I have 3 sons; I consider all of them blessings. They are my treasures in this life. My eldest is 15 and he is quiet, sweet and gentle. To this day, nobody has ever laid a hand on this boy; he has never been spanked because he is just so well-behaved. He was the only baby for a long time though, (my second child is 8) and so we both had a hard time adjusting when his siblings came along. I guess we babied him too long, and so much as he loved his brothers, he was not used to helping out. He was almost 7 when I gave birth to the second child; he was 11 when the youngest was born. I made a big mistake by expecting a lot from him, and even a bigger one by being critical and speaking harsh words to him when he didn’t meet my expectations.

I clearly remember one time we went out. We didn’t have internet at home then, so part of the day’s itinerary was to go to a computer shop so we could connect on skype to my husband who works overseas. All three boys were with me that day. The youngest, who was barely 8 months old was all over the place, banging the keyboard, licking everything he could put his fat, chubby fingers on and wriggling to get himself free of the carrier so he could create more baby havoc. The second child, about 5 years old then, was pulling on my shirt trying to get my attention because he couldn’t find the game he wanted. My eldest was already lost on the game he was playing. I was so frustrated, I yelled at him to please call his Dad and tell him we can’t stay very long. Wearing his earphones and engrossed in his game, my poor son didn’t understand my instructions. I repeated it, loudly this time, asking him to get “his stupid” earphones off his ears. I would say I am a loving mom, but I do have a devastating vocabulary when I am frustrated; not mentioning my sharp, saucer-wide eyes. My poor, gentle son panics when this nasty side of me comes out. And when he panics, his mind blocks out, which infuriates me more. Yelling like an uncivilized warrior, I said “you really are good for nothing, just get the bag and let’s go before I kill you for being so dumb”. We went out of the shop, and I realized how bad I behaved when I felt my son retreat to himself and looked so pained and humiliated. I tried to make it up to him by buying them ice cream and a few more treats. Being a child, it didn’t take long for him to get back to his usual self; or so I thought.

One day, the four of us were playing at home; it was a long time after the computer shop incident. All of a sudden, out of the blue, in the middle of our wrestling game, my eldest blurted out “good for nothing dumb”. I looked at him, trying to see what made him say those words, but he was normally playing with his brothers. I realized the words just came out of his subconscious mind. It was heartbreaking to know those words I said to him were never forgotten after all. The seed was sowed, planted, and grew its root in my son’s mind. All done by me. Painful, eye-opening experience; which is why I am writing this article.

Being parents, we do have authority over our children. But that does not give us the right to speak harsh, demeaning and disheartening words. Doing so will break their spirit and lose their sense of worth. That experience has taught me to speak loving words of approval and acceptance to my sons. I realized I am constantly creating something positive or negative in their lives with the words I speak.

I now refer to my sons as blessings, even when they are acting otherwise. I lovingly correct them when they make wrong choices. I do train and discipline them like every parent should, but I choose not to use words of judgment and contempt. I do my best to provide safety, trust and comfort with the words I speak to them. I know they need to feel my love, approval and blessing even when they misbehave. My doing so paid off big time. I see it in their grades, disposition and relationship with others.

A great number of adults are suffering today as a result of the negative words spoken to them when they were kids. Parents, let us not let this happen to our children. Let us speak words that uplift and affirm our children’s worth. Let us tell them there is nothing they cannot do. Let us encourage them to do great things and fulfil their dreams. Words cannot be taken back. Let us not curse our children’s future with our speech. We have the responsibility to bless our children. Let us encourage them to be the best they can be with words that inspire and motivate.

Bless your children with the words you speak.