In today’s society where phrases like “survival of the fittest” and “dog eat dog” are generally acceptable and practised, it is inevitable for one to get emotionally wounded. So many people walk around carrying chips on their shoulders as a result of horrible, unfair and unjust things that happened to them. We hear of stories where kids are sexually, physically and verbally abused by their own parents, businessmen losing their shirts and self-esteem, people walking out on their marriage, accidents that cause untimely deaths and other unspeakable things nobody deserves to experience. A lot of people are hurt to the core of their being; they have emotionally indelible scars causing sour personalities, bad attitude, low self-esteem, anger and depression. Emotionally wounded people often rely on the saying that time heals all wounds. While this is true, it is equally important to take steps for your own emotional recovery. Here are some suggestions:
Acknowledge and understand the cause of the wound – To get over an emotional agony, it is important to acknowledge its existence. You cannot ignore the pain and hope that it will go away. Moreover, it is vital not just to know who or what caused the pain but why it is causing you so much sorrow. Someone I know stated “______ left me and I am hurt because I was looking forward to a long and happy union with him”. Betrayal in a relationship is truly heartbreaking; it robs you of joy, erodes your confidence and puts a lot of questions into your mind. But knowing why you are terribly hurt will provide you hope and a new goal to work on. In my friend’s case, “looking forward to a long and happy union” is still possible. It may be unthinkable initially, however, it can be a source of motivation after the first stage of grieving is over. Understanding the nature of your loss and pain will take you to the next steps.
Disinfect the wound – A physical wound needs to be cleaned; you need to remove splinters, dirt and other foreign objects that will cause infection. Similarly, an emotional injury will need to be disinfected from things that will aggravate the pain and slow down its healing. If your suffering is caused by a wrong choice of friends, you obviously need to get out of their company. A physically abused wife may need to move out at least temporarily until the issue is dealt with. Other situations may require a person to dissociate from certain individuals or withdraw from activities that will worsen the anguish. Whatever it is, you will need to identify who, what or which individuals or situations will worsen your distress and keep out of them right away.
Apply the necessary medication – Like a physical injury, the correct treatment must be given to an emotional wound. Engaging in self-defeating activities like drugs, alcohol, unsound relationships and the likes will not only stifle your progress. It will also contaminate your personality and attitude; create more disappointments, anger, depression and self pity. If you really want to be well and made whole again, administer the proper treatment. Get counsel; pray, read books, find meaningful activities, look for worthwhile recreation, find a relevant support group and be purposeful in your desire to heal your battered emotions.
Let healing take place – When you treat a physical wound, you clean it up, apply the bandage and leave it alone to heal. You don’t tear open an old wound. Likewise, when you are emotionally wounded, you need to allow healing to take place after you apply the treatment. Don’t go back to the wound over and over again. Refuse to relive the event; doing so will bring back the negative emotions. Don’t go back there again. Quit bringing it up with your friends, stop seeing it in your imagination. I do not mean to minimize what you may have gone through. The pain may have been staggering, but you need to move on with your life. It is normal to feel sorrow and anguish when something unthinkable happens to you. However, it’s not right to grieve about it all your life. Do not deny yourself of the good things you are yet to discover. Life is sometimes unfair, there may be questions you cannot find answers to; still, you need to take what life has dealt you with and make the most out of it. Do not poison your own life, walk out of the pain. You cannot write a new chapter until you put an end to the old one. You cannot use your past emotional wounds as an excuse not to accomplish more, fulfill your dreams and experience joy and happiness again. Be healed, create new beginnings, and experience the goodness of life.
Forgive the person who has wounded you – I know this is easier said than done. You might be thinking “what that person did to me is unforgivable”. Maybe so, but what I am suggesting is for you to forgive the person, not the wrong that he has done. When you forgive someone, you are not removing or cancelling-out the responsibility of that person to do right whatever wrong he has done to you. You forgive in order for you to experience peace and love again. You cannot go through life carrying the burden of bitterness. It will drain your spirit and cause heaviness in your heart. On the other hand, forgiving will make you a bigger person; it will allow you to soar to new heights, explore the beauty of your existence, receive bigger blessings, and add meaning to your life. Forgiving has nothing to do with the other person, it is all about you.
Allow God to make things equal for you – When you have just gone through a painful experience, it is natural to want to get even. But bear in mind that planning how to do your revenge alone takes energy. Thinking about revenge is reliving the negative emotions. It will destroy your purpose of wanting to be healed; it is self-defeating. You rob yourself of the power to do greater things. Allow God to do justice for you. Trust that in His hands, you will receive compassion and love that will nurture you back to a life of peace and goodwill. Have faith that a bigger power will deal with your traumatic experience and the person who has brought it into your life. Release the pain; refuse to let your sad experience take a grip on you. Friend, let go; let God.
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